Bees are disappearing like flies! No, the flies are not disappearing as much as we would like them to–especially here in dairy-ridden Idaho. The bees are disappearing.
This could be bigger than Iraq and Katrina!
The bees pollinate about every good thing we like to eat from avocados to zamberries.
What, there is no such thing as “zamberries?”
Well you think of something that we eat that starts with the letter Z.
Bees don't pollinate grain–so I'm told. They do pollinate apples, nuts, avocados, soybeans, asparagus, broccoli, celery, squash and cucumbers. That's is what it said in my daily rag this morning.
They also pollinate citrus such as oranges, lemons, limes, and grapefruit. They pollinate peaches, kiwi, cherries, blueberries, and cranberries (probably pollinated by the well-know bog bee.
Bees pollinate melons like cantaloupe, watermelon, and honeydews.
About twenty-seven percent (27%) of all we eat is pollinated by bees.
Now listen to this; lots of animals eat hay from alfalfa.
Now a cow is such an animal.
I hear cows bellowing every morning and in the evening. If the wind is right, I can smell them too. Still, I like milk on my breakfast cereal and with my graham crackers (and such) before I go to bed.
No cows, no milk!
My son is a vet that cares for cows. He needs cows to feed his thirteen (13) kids. If we run out of hay and can't grow more alfalfa because the bees have let us down, the cows will really bellow. So will my grandkids.
Twenty-seven (27) states, Canada, Brazil and parts of Europe are now short of bees. The problem was recently discussed with Vice President Cheney–so things are bound to get worse. Cheney is an expert at turning bad situations in to colossal disasters.
Those who are educated in beeology (or at least entomology), are having a terrible time doing their work. That is because folks like you and me keep interrupting their studies by email, letter, and telephone. Beeologist are getting a boodle of suggestions on what is causing the decline in bee populations.
Some think it is the earth's magnetic field that is killing the little critters.
Others think it is global warming and was instigated by Al Gore.
Whatever the cause, beeologist say that bees are very good at spreading a bee disease. They are so social that if one bee catches cold, they all start sneezing and coughing.
I think that must be true. The other day I saw a bee flying around with a tiny handkerchief.
As a precautionary step I suggest that we all leave vitamin C out for the bees to help reduce their cold symptoms. Dr. Linus Pauling died in 1994 at the age of ninety-three (93) while still running around in airports. He fought cold symptoms and aging with vitamin C–so that is why I'm recommending it for the bees as a precautionary measure. I take a handful everyday.
I also suggest the common practice in Japan. When one has a Japanese cold or the deadly Japanese influenza, one wears a mask in public. Then, when a sneeze comes on, the bugs are not spread from hell to breakfast.
We need to get working on tiny masks for the bees.
Although some species of bees are born with cute little masks, we need to get some that are made with the proper bug filtering material. The mighty 3M® Company must get to work on this right away. They can combine their “stick a little piece of paper on anything” technology with their industrial face mask technology.
They should have those little masks coming off the assembly line next week.
Now the next thing to consider is how do we get these tiny mask to the bees and how do we get them to wear them.
Well what could be simpler than that?
When I lived in Arizona we had a number of hummingbird feeders in the yard hoping to see the many species of hummingbird that flit around in Arizona. (Sorry that you eastern folks have only the Ruby Throated species of hummingbird.) Here is my brilliant idea: Make a little mask dispenser that attracts the bees because it has sugar water in it. The little bee comes up and leans his head to snort up some sugar water and his head hits one of the 3M® stick-to-the-head masks and wala! The mask is on for good.
I know this will work because those little sticky papers work and I know how bees are already accustomed to visiting humming bird feeders. I should be selling the little bee mask dispensers using the new teensy weeny 3M® bee mask on each of my eighteen (18) or so web sites by next week.
I know that magicians say the word wala!
They say wala! when they make something disappear. In no way should anyone interpret my statement as meaning that the bees will disappear. No, it means that the bee-mask-problem will disappear because of the new bee mask dispenser designed by the giant 3M® Company and me.
Well, that should be a start. Don't forget to build up a stockpile of canned fruits and powdered milk.
Oh, one more thing. Like the Japanese, the bees must stop shaking hands.
copyright©2007 John T. Jones, Ph.D. (Taylor Jones the hack writer)