A client recently had the scare of her life when her husband of 22 years admitted to a 10 month affair with a colleague. He was fed up with “always being the initiator” and had decided to seek out an equal partner. The wife was anguished. She admitted she was warned by her parents “good girls never let on they want sex – if they do, no one would want or love them”.
Modern single girls take their lead from women's magazines that encourage them to seek sex for pleasure. This creates both good and bad news for guys. The good news is it's a fabulous opportunity for predatory men who have sexual confidence. The bad news is it's scary for men who doubt their sexual prowess.
The bad news for girls is that they are programmed to want to attach to the man they have sex with. No matter how comfortable their left-brain or logical mind is, their right-brain or emotional side is prone to wake them up feeling unhappy the next morning. How do they get the freedom to have a good one night stand without the unhappiness?
Here are two suggestions:
1. Mandy recommends kicking the guy out to go home before you go to sleep. That way you can wake up safely in your own bed next morning without the bad taste feeling. You can pretend it was all a dream and you definitely don't have to hear him splutter and break wind in your toilet when all you want to do is get more “shut eye”.
2. Trish recommends you only choose guys you never want to see again. That way you won't spend all next day wishing he would call you and say how the earth moved for him too and how anxious he is to see you again.
So what does the expert say about one night stands?
As a sex-therapist, I would urge you to be absolutely adamant that somebody you just met should use a condom if you have sex. Have no expectations of a loving encounter during or anything warm afterwards. Since you may not even share the same values or backgrounds you will probably be unsuited as long-term lovers.
If you are a women, certainly ask for what you want. It's unlikely that he is going to care about your needs. If you are a man, don't give her your phone number. You know you have no intention of contacting her again, so don't give her false hope!
For everybody, do practice safe sex and follow Mandy's example. Make sure they go home straight after the deed is done. Some folk who intended a one-night stand were stuck with a “squatter” who refused to move out!
